Core Memories

What are Core Memories?

Core memories are defined as emotionally charged memories that significantly impact an individual’s sense of self. They can arise from various experiences, such as major life events (e.g., weddings, graduations) or even everyday moments that hold special meaning. Unlike regular memories, core memories are often linked to strong emotions and can resurface when similar feelings are experienced later on.

Core memories shape us. They’re building the blocks of our personalities, how we act in the world, how we see ourselves and how we see the world. Inside Out definitely got it right.

Most of us don’t go around classifying something as a core memory in our daily life. We’re just out living our lives, and once in a while we’ll pick our heads up, take a look back and something might come clear as a core memory. It’s easy to remember these major life events, but most of us aren’t paying enough attention in our daily lives to capture the little experiences that stack up over time and make us who we are. We’re missing so many little things that make us happy, teach us something and shape who we are.

Finding out we were expecting our first immediately changed that for me.

Big changes were coming and I didn’t want to miss any of it just watching each day go by. I wanted to soak in how much it was going to change our lives, and our selves, for the better. I started paying more attention to the little happy peaks throughout the days, weeks and months.

I started writing down little things that stuck out in a day. I keep it all in a running list in my notes app. No fancy app, just a simple note describing the thing. It’s totally unstructured as a habit or routine, which is fine. That list formed a little subconscious voice that tells me when to write this down, get a pic or a video.

It’s a little lens on daily life that brings things into sharper focus.

So, what kinds of things am I writing down?

Here’s a good sample from my Core Memories list over the last five years.

1. Going to the hospital at the stroke of midnight on her due date.
2. Holding my baby girl for the first time 8 hours later.
3. Being a nervous wreck the first few nights at home with our baby, napping with my hand in her bassinet to make sure she didn’t roll over.
4. Hearing those first little giggles.
5. Her being all smiles the first time she met her uncle Kevin.
6. Noticing those little genetic gifts we’ve passed along, like how she subconsciously makes weird little noises once in a while when she’s bored.
7. Watching her “make up her room” in the morning. Turning on the lights, laying out her clothes and organizing her stuffies.
8. Her first real friendships with Declan, Charlie and Claire. How they all freak out as soon as they see each other, every time, even if it was just five minutes ago.
9. Every time she gets sucked into a movie and gets a little teary.
10. Those little unprompted hugs and “I Love You” that come out of nowhere.
11. Singing along to Frozen and Tina Turner in the BK drive through.
12. Her obsession with monkey bars and seeing her getting stronger every week.
13. That look she gets, that mix of shy/happy/looking for approval, when she’s proud of herself and something she just did.
14. Having her come to us with a full plan for the day pretty much every weekend.
15. The way she mispronounces words. Hospital, Narbles, Gorl, Rogurt,. And how it’s too cute to correct, how much I’ll miss it and know she’s growing up when she starts saying them correctly.

Every time I open this list it brings back all these little memories that I probably would have forgotten. Each one brings me back, puts a smile on my face and reminds me how much my life’s changed for the better.