“Moving Fast” is killing your GTM

I’ve been working with more GTM teams again, and I’m seeing consistent self-sabotage that kills their messaging from the start. They’re “moving fast” and skipping basic research and positioning strategy. This guarantees mediocre results.

Here’s a common scenario. You want to build an outbound campaign targeting their “IT Buyer” ICP. You hand off an ICP profile with Name, Title and Company and a couple use cases to mention. 

Pretty standard, right? 

But when you start to build, the gaps start to show: 

  • What use cases are we prioritizing to this vertical?
  • How are we positioning to this specific company size and maturity profile?
  • What’s their current tech stack?
  • How are we positioning against the incumbent or other named competitors? 
  • Are they genuinely ready to buy, or just browsing?
  • Which channels will actually cut through the noise?

If you can’t answer these questions, you have major blank spaces in your go to market strategy.

These are the four strategy gaps kill your GTM strategy and performance:

  • Product Clarity: Most teams struggle with answering the fundamental question: “How does our solution solve X problem for Y person?” They can list a ton of features but can’t explain why any of it matters to the specific human who needs it most. And then they fumble explaining why their approach beats competitors.
  • Competitive Intelligence: Surface-level competitive knowledge is dangerous. They check the big brands box and skip the niche competitors that even a simple web search would uncover. That’s the “knows enough to be dangerous” zone. It’s false confidence and buyers smell that from a mile away. Deep competitive knowledge builds confidence that comes through in the content and conversations.
  • Contextual Content: Shallow ICPs limit your content and guarantee you get ignored. Rich behavioral and contextual signals transform your ICPs and make the rest of your messaging and content stand out. A robust ICP should tell you:
    • Core customer pain points
    • Specific use cases that resonate
    • Compelling reasons to choose you
    • Actual market readiness
    • Priority engagement channels
  • Behavioral ICPs: Most ICP builds stop at basic metrics: Geography. Revenue. Headcount. Title. This targeting is table stakes and commoditized. That’s not good enough. The real competitive advantage lives in behavioral signals that show true buying intent. Behavioral signals are the real GTM strategy gold that screams “ready to buy”:
    • Recent leadership hires
    • Active social engagement
    • Competitor product follows
    • Detailed product reviews
    • Engagement with industry content

This is what a high value actionable ICP looks like:

US IT Lead

  • VC-Backed, $100MM Revenue
  • Raised funding in last 90 days
  • Currently using specific competitor technologies
  • Showing hiring signals (job listings, social posts)
  • Active social engagement across LinkedIn, Reddit, industry forums
  • Following key industry competitors and thought leaders
  • Confirmed (4) contact pathways
  • Demonstrable site or social engagement in last 30-90 days

Paints a different picture, right?

The best part? This level of insight is available without slowing you down. 

With the right AI-assisted workflow you can get:

  • Deep Marketing and Competitor Research
  • Precise Market and ICP Data
  • Build Actionable Insights
  • Tailor your GTM Assets to the ICP + Use Case + Individual LevelWanting to “move fast” isn’t a valid excuse when anyone can do it right the first time now.

Stop Managing Email Campaigns. Start Orchestrating Customer Growth.

After 15+ years building lifecycle marketing systems for brands ranging from Series A startups to global enterprises, I’ve seen the same expensive mistake repeated everywhere: treating lifecycle marketing as email optimization instead of customer experience orchestration. The companies that figure this out transform every customer interaction into an intentional growth opportunity. 

Most companies have the tools and people to create amazing customer experiences. What they’re missing is the strategic framework to turn those tools into customer growth engines. The difference isn’t technology, it’s approach.

The Real Problem: Operating in Silos

Most companies put customer-facing teams in tight boxes, especially lifecycle marketing. They’re forced into a channel and tactic role managing email, SMS and push. They’re KPI’d on email open rates and pumping out manual campaign sends. Meanwhile, customer success is drowning in support tickets and seeing churn creep up. Sales teams don’t have the right data to know who to target for growth opportunities, so they’re just winging it. Everyone’s isolated and disconnected from the real customer journey.

So what happens? Teams might hit their KPIs in the near term, but the customer experience fragments and degrades. Open rates improve while time-to-value stagnates. Campaign performance grows while expansion revenue stalls.

This traditional siloed approach treats lifecycle marketing as a communication channel rather than customer experience orchestration. Marketing reacts to other teams’ needs instead of being proactive about customer growth.

The Lifecycle Shift: When lifecycle marketing takes a customer-centric, holistic approach, it becomes the intelligence and orchestration hub that makes every team more effective. Instead of optimizing campaigns in isolation, you’re orchestrating experiences that accelerate customer success and growth for everyone.

The good news? You don’t need massive reorganizations or new technology to make this shift. There are practical optimizations you can implement today that transform lifecycle marketing from tactical channel management to strategic customer growth acceleration.

Here are four practical changes you can make now to embrace the more strategic customer-centric approach and deliver immediate business impact:

#1: Customer Intelligence Is Already in Your Platform

Every ESP and automation platform contains behavioral intelligence that most teams completely ignore. This isn’t about more data, it’s about acting on the signals you already capture.

Email domains reveal expansion opportunities. When someone with a company domain engages heavily with your product education content, that’s an enterprise expansion signal for your sales team. When .edu addresses cluster around specific features, that’s product intelligence for your development roadmap.

How to apply this. Look for domains showing the most consistent engagement, or an increase in engagement in the last 3-6 months. 

Engagement and content consumption changes predict lifecycle stage transitions. Shifts from weekend to weekday engagement or usage often indicate business and use case changes. Another example is moving from individual to team-focused content consumption signaling organization-wide adoption potential.

How to apply this. Look for changes in when prospects and customers are engaging, and the kind of content they’re engaging with. What’s changing and how does that relate to possible changes in their needs and use cases? 

Usage progression sequences indicate intervention moments. Progressing from basic to advanced feature adoption should trigger natural expansion conversations. Stalled progression and usage patterns are early warning signals for possible churn and should trigger for proactive engagements.

How to apply this. Setup product usage gates that trigger team notifications and proactive interventions. Seeing customers use more features and at higher volume should trigger a growth conversation. Seeing usage stall or decrease for a period of time should trigger a support conversation. 

Intelligence is only as powerful as the action it can drive. And it’s even more powerful when it triggers coordinated responses across teams, not just email campaigns.

#2: Don’t Just Build Campaigns, Orchestrate Experiences

Stop focusing on coordinating campaign timing or touch governance. Your primary goal should be creating customer experiences that feel intentional and build customer value. 

Coach to “best customer.” Define the characteristics of your best customers. How can you coach every other customer to be like them? Structure your onboarding and other triggers around the goal of coaching to be more like your best customers. Every touchpoint should either advance that customer’s success or gather intelligence about their progress.

Cross-functional behavioral triggers. When customers hit usage milestones, absolutely trigger that congratulations email. But, you should also ping customer success for a strategic check-in and notify sales about an expansion opportunity.

Make things easier for your customers. Audit each experience from the customer perspective. Understand their issues and mindset. Learn to anticipate their needs. Are we making things simpler? Can we reduce steps or clicks? Can the language be simpler? The best lifecycle programs anticipate the customer’s needs and eliminate steps that don’t drive customer value and growth.

When customers feel like every interaction anticipates their needs and accelerates their success, you’ve moved beyond campaign management to experience orchestration.

#3: Test Strategy, Not Tactics

Stop optimizing for internal performance and vanity metrics over the customer experience.

Hypothesis-driven experience improvement. Instead of testing subject lines, test whether proactive customer outreach increases expansion revenue. Instead of optimizing send times, test whether behavioral trigger timing improves activation rates.

Cross-functional impact measurement. The best tests measure customer progression, not campaign metrics. Does this onboarding experience reduce time-to-value? Does this behavioral trigger deliver higher quality growth opportunities? Does this retention intervention decrease churn over time?

Institutional learning over individual optimization. Document what works across customer segments and use cases. Build pattern recognition that helps every team interaction become more effective over time.

Focus on experiments that improve customer outcomes. Revenue and campaign metrics will follow.

#4: Abundance Mindset Over Scarcity Metrics

Short-term revenue pressure creates scarcity thinking: “We need to hit our numbers, so let’s [send another promotion/offer a discount].” This trains customers to expect discounts, decreases your perceived value and reduces your ability to grow. 

Stop managing risk. Create growth opportunities. Focus on creating value in every customer interaction. Instead of “Please don’t leave!” campaigns, send “Here are a few features we think you should be using.” Focus on content that naturally leads to expansion conversations.

Trust drives transactions. The most successful lifecycle programs guide customers to success and then earn permission to show them the next level up. That trust becomes a competitive moat that’s impossible to replicate. When customers trust that your interactions help them win, they become your growth engine.

Customer value metrics are better than campaign performance. Track customer progression toward their goals, not just engagement with your messages. Remember the “best customer” coaching from earlier? Measure time to value(TTV), lifetime value(LTV), speed to upgrade, YoY organic growth and net revenue retention(NRR). These are all tied to customer value and revenue. They’re metrics that predict long-term sustainable revenue and growth.

The Strategic Transformation

Lifecycle marketing becomes strategic when it systematically drives customer value in every experience. This requires shifting from communication optimization to experience orchestration.

Customer impact: Every interaction feels contextual, helpful and intentional. Customers achieve success faster, grow organically and become your best growth partners driving referrals, testimonials and case studies.

Organizational impact: Customer success teams get proactive intelligence about churn or expansion situations. Sales teams receive perfectly-timed growth signals. Product teams gather stitcher data and feedback about feature adoption and user progression.

Business impact: Acquisition becomes more efficient because customer success creates advocacy and referrals. Expansion revenue happens earlier and increases because opportunities are identified and captured systematically. Retention improves because customers succeed faster and go deeper.

 

Beyond Campaign Management

Lifecycle marketing doesn’t need to be complicated. And it shouldn’t feel like marketing at all. It should feel like the company is systematically helping customers achieve bigger outcomes through every interaction.

This transformation requires three shifts:

  1. From campaigns to customer experience orchestration
  2. From retention focus to growth opportunity creation
  3. From departmental optimization to cross-functional customer success acceleration

When you make these shifts, lifecycle marketing becomes what it should be: a system that turns every customer interaction into an opportunity for mutual growth and success.

The tools already exist. The opportunity is in how you use them.

A No B.S. Gear Guide For New Dads

Dad-to-Dad Reality Check

Here’s the truth: Your baby needs love and attention, patience, food, clean diapers, and safe sleep. Everything else is a bonus.

Don’t let gear anxiety overshadow the excitement of becoming a father. Or, put too much of a strain on your bank account either. 

Worrying and what-ifs don’t solve problems or make things better. Do your prep then enjoy the little moments as the come. And if anything bad comes up, manage it then.

You’ve got this. Trust your instincts. Millions of dads have figured this out with much less information. 

The 10 Essential Items You Actually Need (0-6 Months)

Feeling overwhelmed by baby gear lists? Use this short list to cut through the noise. 

These are the absolute essentials that will get you through your baby’s first 6 months safely and comfortably. I built this list based on my own experience with two little ones, surveying parents we trust and scraping hundreds or threads to compile the top recommendations.

The Non-Negotiable Essentials

1. Car Seat (Never Compromise)

Recommended: Chicco KeyFit 30 ClearTex or Max ClearTex

Why: Easy installation, excellent safety ratings, lightweight and reputable brand.

Price: $230-$300

Dad Tip: Install it and have it professionally checked by hospital staff before you leave.

2a. Safe Sleep Setup, Crib

Recommended: Basic Crib, the IKEA Sniglar is a simple and durable crib

Why: Meets all AAP safety standards

Price: $129

Must-haves: you’ll also need to get a firm mattress, mattress cover and fitted sheets.

Safety Note: do not use bumpers, blankets or pillows as they’re all safety hazards

2b. ALT Safe Sleep Setup, Bassinet (Rental)

ALT Recommendation: Snoo Bassinet (Rental)

Why: Super safe, proven tech and great app with a ton of data tracking tools

Price: $850-$1,050 for the 6 month rental term ($159/month + fees; ask about the Newborn Special for months 5-6 at $49 each)

Must-have: get the fitted sheet and sleep sack bundles

Dad Tip: Always buy 2-3 of any wearable item so you can switch out without having to do the wash right away.

3. Sleep Sacks (Instead of Blankets)

Recommended: Halo SleepSack Swaddle

Why: Safe alternative to loose blankets and keeps your baby warm and cozy

Price: $30-$38, buy 2-3 so you have backups.

4. Feeding Essentials

Recommended: Dr. Brown’s Options+ Bottles

Why: Reduces gas and spit-up, works for breast and formula feeding

Price: $25-$45 for starter set

Dad Tip: Every baby is different and will have a preference for bottle and nipple type. Buy the narrow and wide mouth versions to test on your baby and buy more of what works.

“Even if we’re breastfeeding?” Yes. It’s best to have a couple bottles and some formula handy as a backup. Things happen. And your little one can change on a whim. Save yourself the stress of running out in the middle of the night.

5. Diapers & Wipes (Obvious but Critical)

Recommended: Any major brand + WaterWipes

Price: $40-$60/month

Buy A Range: get a case of Newborn diapers through to Size 2

Dad Tip: Babies grow fast – don’t over-buy newborn sizes + Use a size up for overnights so they can hold more pee when your baby sleeps longer stretches.

6. Baby Carrier

Recommended: BabyBjörn Mini (for newborns)

Why: Super easy for anyone to put on by yourself.

Price: $100-$120

Benefit: “Wearing” your baby is soothing for them and a good bonding experience. It will also give your arms and posture a much needed rest. 

7. Baby Monitor

Recommended: Eufy SpaceView Pro Baby Monitor

Why: Peace of mind, great video quality and durable tech.

Price: ~$160 (frequently on sale for $110-$130)

Dad Tip: you don’t have to buy this one, but definitely get a video monitor.

8. Basic Health Supplies

Essential items:

Thermometer: Braun ThermoScan ($40-$60), you’ll need this for peace of mind.

All-Purpose Lotion: Aquaphor Baby Ointment ($10-$15) safe for sensitive skin

Snot Sucker: NoseFrida Snotsucker ($15-$20), you’ll need this more than you think.

9. Changing Supplies

Recommended: Skip Hop Pronto Changing Pad

Why: Portable, wipeable, reduces laundry and expensive furniture

Price: $30-$35

Bonus: Works anywhere, safer than elevated changing tables

Dad Tip: you really don’t need an expensive changing table taking up space

10. Comfort Item

Recommended: BabyBjörn Bouncer Balance Soft

Why: Self-rocking, no batteries, folds flat

Price: $200-$230

Parent lifesaver: Keeps baby content while you eat/shower or need a break.

Dad-Tip: we also call this the “poop machine” IYKYK

What NOT to Buy (Save Your Money)

❌ Wipe warmers – Nonsense tool. Just touch the wipe to their foot to warn them so they’re not shocked.

❌ Crib bumpers – Dangerous, banned by AAP.

❌ Newborn shoes – Barefoot is better for development. Buy light socks if it’s a colder season.

❌ Swings – they’re overly expensive, do the same thing as the bounce and take up way too much space.

What to Buy New

Car Seats, never skimp on this vital safety tool.

Crib Mattresses

Bottles and Feeding Supplies

What You Can Buy Used

Clothes: There’s great deals on baby clothes all over FB Marketplace. Just wash them thoroughly before wearing.

Strollers: again, check FB Marketplace, but make sure it’s adaptable to fit your carrier.

Toys: check for recalls, but generally avoid plastic and electronic toys with batteries.

Emergency “Baby’s Due Any Day Now” Checklist

From 35 weeks, have these ready:

☐ Car seat installed and inspected

☐ Newborn diapers (1-2 packs)

☐ Going-home outfit (newborn AND 0-3 month sizes)

☐ Basic feeding supplies

☐ Receiving blankets and burp cloths

☐ Pediatrician selected and contacted

That’s it for the short list. I hope this helps take some of the stress out of the process and helps you feel better prepared for what’s to come. 

LMK how this works our, or if you have any recommendations of your own to share. 

Good luck! 

Sean

e: seanrrwilkins@gmail.com

What do companies get wrong about Lifecycle Marketing?

Call it what you will. Lifecycle Marketing, Customer Marketing, Retention Marketing, Customer Growth, Account Based Marketing…Your company probably has its preference, but these are just different names for most of the same mechanics. 

Here’s four ways most companies get it wrong: 

  1. Narrow Tactical Focus: most companies approach lifecycle marketing as tactical campaign management instead of building thoughtful customer growth experiences. They spend all their time sending manual campaigns or tweaking email and sms sequences. The true unlock is switching the mindset towards turning every customer interaction into a coaching or growth moment.
  2. Scarcity Mindset: When teams do reach out to existing customers they treat them like they’re about to leave. They’ve missed the boat and have to send “Don’t churn!” emails instead of “Here’s how to get more value” coaching flows.
  3. Reactive Firefighting: Most teams only engage customers when usage drops(if they’re even tracking that) or renewal risk appears.
  4. Fragmented Ownership: Product owns onboarding, CS owns renewals, Sales owns expansions, Marketing owns… what? content? Nobody owns the holistic journey experience.

Any of this sound familiar?

Which AI Platform has the best onboarding flow?

I spent 20+ hrs going through the onboarding experiences for a dozen major AI tools: Anthropic(Claude), Perplexity, OpenAI(ChatGPT), Replit, Lindy, Lovable, Manus AI, Cursor, GitHub, Genspark, Bolt and Base44/Wix.

Claude does a decent job, but there’s lots of room for improvement. The rest have a ton of work to do.

I put them all on a Miro board with notes and takeaways.

Review of AI Tools Onboarding Flows

Here’s the TLDR:


1. New Tools Need Instructions
These tools are whole new categories with frame of reference. They require whole new ways of working, using the technology and building.

You need to teach people HOW to use these tools so they get to value fast vs getting frustrated and dropping off or adopting poor practices/inputs and getting sub par outputs.

2. Define what “value” looks like for the user. And coach to that target.
Focusing on the user ensures that you’re coaching to value and minimizing TTV. Engagement and retention will come when users see value faster.

How do you do this?
– Educate IN the workflow, in the apps.
– Lead with Use Cases
– Show Visual Guides
– Summarize New Best Practices
– Use onboarding to show how your tool is different from the rest.
– The features will come through in context and mean more.

3. Start thinking beyond early adopters.
It’s still early days. Most users are early adopters, so they’re more open to testing, exploring and dealing with setbacks. The general consumer won’t deal with that nonsense.

Use this time to build a meaningful onboarding experience. Learn how to caoch new users how to be power users. Test, learn and refine across channels so you’re ready to properly onboard and educate the general consumer user audiences in the coming months and years.

4. Stop Outsourcing Your Story
YouTube is to AI tools what HGTV is to home renovations.

Podcasts are setting unreasonable expectations for consumers. Writing “build me an app” does not make one magically appear like the podcasters want you to believe.

Taking control of onboarding is another way to take full ownership of your story and the user experience. Great onboarding experiences set clear expectations, educate users on how to get the most value from these tools and coach them towards being better users and, eventually, paying customers.

#Onboarding #Lifecycle Marketing #Customer Marketing #AI

Why is onboarding so important?

your SaaS tool has 1.5 day to make an impression for new users
Your SaaS product has one week to make a great first impression.

Companies spend $$$ on acquiring new users then totally drop the ball during onboarding.

And 90 days later they wonder why their churn and retention number are terrible.

What’s the problem? Don’t point a finger at your users.

It’s probably your onboarding experience, or lack thereof.

If you’re struggling with retention, take a hard look at how you’re treating those new users.

  1. Are you coaching them how to get the most value from your product?
  2. Are you teaching them use cases and not just spewing feature content at them?
  3. Are you giving them more than one place to connect and learn?
  4. Are you tracking usage and engagement?
  5. Are you clear on what a successful onboarding experience even looks like for your product?

Go-To-Market Positioning Sprint

Let’s talk positioning.

A lot of people say you shouldn’t compare yourself to the competition.

That’s nice thing to write on the internet, but it’s totally disconnected from the reality of anyone working in a sales, marketing, product, comms or leadership role. So, pretty much everyone.

In reality, we need to know everything about our competitive set. What’s working and what’s not? Their strengths, our weaknesses and opportunities to exploit. It all goes into how we position, who we target, how we build a sales pitch, an ad, in all of our content and even when we’re onboarding or upselling our existing customers.

Yet, more often that not, I talk to teams that haven’t done even the most basic positioning exercises. And it shows.

So, let’s fix that.

I use this progressive list of questions to guide positioning in some way or another in pretty much every client engagement. It’s a short sprint that’s useful across the org, especially for non-marketing teams like Sales and Product. Work however you want. Some like to work in this same doc. I like to use a workbook template I’br built over the years. I find it faster for filtering and focus when sharing to multiple teams.

The full guide is below, but feel free to grab this doc and my workbook template as well.

Ways To Use

Go To Market + Product Marketing: marketing, sales and product teams can use these to build the key inputs for all things marketing and sales content and assets.

ABM/Lifecycle Marketing: sales, marketing and CX/CS teams use these as inputs to building out the targeting, messaging and offers for your target audiences, both prospects and existing customers. 

Onboarding/New Customer Welcome: sales, marketing and CX/CS teams can take advantage of the early relationship attention to re-educate and reinforce the buy decision using the key positioning points from these sheets.

Audit/Optimization: need a fresh look at how you’re positioned in the market, how it’s changed and how you’ve changed? Go back through this exercise to update the inputs that will refresh the rest of your assets. 

Positioning Inputs

  1. Core Problem: What problem(s)/challenge(s) are you solving?
    1. Shoot for at least three tangible problems. These could be:
      • Problems your specific product/solution addresses
      • Industry-wide problems
      • Customer-experienced problems
  1. Competitive Landscape: Who is the competitive set?
    1. List 3-4 companies that provide a reasonably similar solution to these problems.
      • Document with main site links and 1-2 top search results examples of each for later reference. 
    2. List 2-3 strengths and 2-3 weaknesses for each of these companies.
      • Product-specific strengths/weaknesses?
      • Company-level capabilities?
      • Pricing and market positioning insights?
  2. Your Thing: What are your solutions?
    • What is your product/service? 
    • What is your origin story or motivation for building this? 
    • Describe how your thing solves the 3-4 key problems
    • How does it address these? 
    • What outcomes does it provide? 
  3. Your Strengths/Unique Value Proposition(s)
    1. Side by side to the competitive set, what are your unique strengths and potential weaknesses against them?
    2. Summarize and rank by value. These are your unique value propositions. 
  4. Target Audience: Who cares about this? Who will use this and what value do they get?
    1. Think of at least 3-4 target buyer types. Don’t start with demographics. Start with business vertical, example company, company role, key issues/challenges, decision criteria.
  5. General Positioning
    1. List your target buyers. Map their challenges/needs to how your product specifically solves it for them. Describe the value they’ll get from your product for each of these versions. 
  6. Revenue Model: what way(s) do you plan to make money? How much will is cost? 
  7. Go To Market Base: what channels and tactics can you use to reach your customers?
    1. Customize the list to each of the buyer types from above. 
    2. Add 1-2 example tactics in each channel.
  8. Unfair Advantage: do you have one to leverage?
    1. Examples to consider…
    2. First mover?
    3. Technical advantages?
    4. Team/founder-specific advantages?
    5. Market access or network advantages?
    6. Unique insights or methodologies?

Target Audience/ICP Build

  1. Refining How You Define Your Thing
    1. What is your product/service? 
    2. What is your origin story or motivation for building this? 
    3. What problems does it address?
    4. How does it address these? 
    5. What outcomes does it provide? 
  2. Defining Your Audience
    1. Who has the same problem that your thing solves?
      1. Be specific and think of the different types of people. IT, Finance, OPS, Procurement, Founder, VP, Director, Marketing, etc. Each has a different set of needs and problems that relate to your product. 
    2. What  kinds of companies do these people work for? Use reference brands.

Tactical Positioning Build 

  1. Define your specific solution.
    1. Build a matrix that maps the specific buyer type to their issues and the solutions your thing provides. Be specific as it relates to their POV. 
    2. What outcomes can each of these buyer types expect from your thing? Be specific across a few dimensions and how it relates to their business. Think $/Commercial, Operational, Technical, etc. 
  2. Define your tailored offers.
    1. Think beyond cost here. Tell the richer story. Build a specific offer linking each of your problems, solutions and expected outcomes for your product/service. 

Have at it. I hope this helps.

And if you have any questions or want to work together…

Get In Touch: Sean Wilkins

My TL;DR for New Dads

When I was prepping to be a dad, pretty much every book and article I read or piece of advice was terrible. They set such a low bar for guys.

It was stuff like “Oh, you’re gonna be a dad soon? Well, you should really step it up and help around the house more. Stat by washing the dishes one night a week.”

Mind Blown!

And when I talked to older guys I worked with at the time they all said stuff like “you really can’t do anything to help out those first few months. It’s all about the mom.” Or, “newborns just kinda boring. Kids don’ get fun until they’re five or older.” 🤦

None of this made sense to me. It set such a low bar, and I know I wasn’t the only one out here looking for something better.

So, I started making notes and building something I could share with expectant dads, new dads, or dads just looking some more non-Boomer-ish advice. I call it my TL;DR For New Dads.

  1. You have one job.
    • Be the best version of yourself for your partner and your baby. This starts the moment you find out your partner is expecting.
    • What do you need to work on, physically, mentally and emotionally over the next 9 months to be your best for your new family?
  2. Take time off.
    • As much as you can, and then some more. You will never get this time back. First impressions make a difference. Make sure you’re around to build a connection and help your partner. None of you will remember that “important” meeting, project or trip. They will remember you being there for them, or not. 
    • If you have paid leave, even partial, you have no reasonable excuse. Make it happen. Block the time, do the paperwork, start setting expectations with your company, coworkers, partners and clients. 
    • If you don’t get paid leave start saving and still plan to take time. It’s time you won’t get back, and it’s incredibly important to be there for your partner and baby.   
  3. You CAN help. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
    • Pregnancy, birth, recovery, breast feeding, just being a new parent, is a massive physical and emotional burden. Put your partner and your baby first. Do something for them whenever, wherever and however you can. 
    • It starts the day you know you’re expecting. Your partner’s going through massive changes and will need help every step of the way. Look at what you can take off their plate on a daily basis. If you’re not helping around the house, it’s time to step up and be a man. Take on more cooking, cleaning, laundry.  
  4. You are NOT your parents.
    • Let’s say it out loud, “You are NOT your parents.” And say it again.
    • Everyday is an opportunity to be an amazing parent. If you have hang ups about your parents and your childhood, acknowledge them, define how you want to be different and move forward with those things in mind. 
  5. Don’t go bonkers on the gear.
    • Babies grow fast, make big messes, and things get lost when you’re out in the world. And new parents overcompensate with too much gear. 
    • Go simple, or even second hand, when you can. Those expensive clothes? They’re going in the trash in 3 months. Go for simple uniforms and buy 5-10 of each. That $300 high chair? It’s no better than the $24 Ikea model and you can power wash the Ikea one.
  6. Deep Breaths + Patience
    • You’re going to get frustrated, even angry at times. Lashing out or shutting down does nobody any good. 
    • When you feel overwhelmed, angry or frustrated, don’t react. Take a deep breath, count to 5. Practice not reacting in the moment, it will serve you well every day of your life moving forward. 
    • You’re going to be pushed to your limits. Accept that. Recognize when you’re getting close and interrupt that. Count backwards from 10. Take deep breaths. Walk out of the room. Yelling and getting frustrated won’t work. You’ll only make your kid ore upset, and you’ll feel like an asshole after the fact.
  7. Spend Time, Be Present
    • Put the phone down. Cuddle. Ask questions. Listen.
    • But, do take turns documenting with your partner. You will look back at those videos and photos regularly as you kid grows and they’ll bring you tremendous joy. 
  8. Tell them you love them. Every day, every chance you get. 
  9. Realize That You’re Actually Becoming A Better Person.
    • One of the success markers, that most overlook or take for granted, is to recognize your own shortcomings and doing your best to not pass those along to your kid.
    • Without a doubt, becoming a parent has made me a better person. 
  10. Document Regularly So You Don’t Forget
    • Start a journal, or a new Note file, or an email string. Start writing little letters to your kid as they grow. Start documenting and marking the little wins, lessons, firsts, etc. See my posts on Core Memories for some examples.
    • Buy that domain so they have their digital real estate. 
    • Get them an email address so you can start sending them these notes and keep that record.

There’s a ton more, but these are the most fleshed out right now. Maybe someday I’ll get around to actually writing that Dad Book of my own too.

Imposter Syndrome?

Yeah, imposter syndrome. We all know it. We all fear it. And most of us have been through it once or twice in our lives. And if you haven’t, well done you!

Since choosing to go solo and step off the corporate full-time job career path, I’ve felt that little bit of self-doubt and imposter syndrome creep up once in a while. I start to question my expertise, my capabilities, the value I can bring to clients, my own worth.

So much of our lives are focused on external validation, especially when it comes to our careers and work. We chase that next promotion, a higher title, a raise or some blue chip logo to add to our resume so we can prove “value” in some way to the rest of the world. But, since stepping out of that world, I’ve totally reshaped how I value myself, what I do and what I bring to the table.

And when that little doubty voice starts to creep in, I don’t hide from it or wallow in it, I take it as a wakeup call. A chance to reflect on my strengths, my experience and my capabilities, reconnect with my people, re-center on my vision and take things one step forward at a time.

Over the years I’ve used a four consistent exercises to battle Imposter Syndrome when it creeps up. I take some time to good deep and reflect on my career, my personal life, the people in my life and what I want to accomplish.

The four exercises are:

  1. Career Inventory Worksheet
  2. Personal Review Doc
  3. 90 Day Vision Setting Exercise
  4. Reaching Out & Reconnecting

The exercises take me to a more positive headspace, rebuild confidence and get me centered on what to do next. They get me doing something positive and moving forward.

And as a fun exercise, I built these into The Imposter Syndrome Sprint. You can sign-up for the 5 day drip email course, or dive in headfirst with the full sprint guide here.

If you do give these a try, please let me know what you think. It’s my first time building out a short course like this and I want to keep riffing on it to make it better. Send me an email with your notes at seanrrwilkins@gmail.com.